When I see the sunrise, what do you see?
Is it a sunset, a moon, speckled pinks, or oily blacks?
We look through the same way,
updown/upright,
but our eyes do not align.
Camera one.
Camera two.
Water through water.
A dome above, and a dome below.
Separated by a well we can draw from,
when we are lonely.
Never falling through,
only running our fingers over the membrane.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
fist
When is it?
Just all the time.
Only every minute,
to feel so wrong.
Wanting desperately to feel right,
but to feel right, we do wrong.
Never winning any argument,
cycling through the same moments.
I know what you mean now,
it's the hours.
They press tenuously upon us,
waiting for that moment,
when we find ourselves groping in the darkness
for that familiar comfort--
prickly as ever.
Waiting for someone to slap our hands,
with their supermarket checkout solutions.
All the time.
Hiding, isolated, afraid.
Ashamed.
And you think it's so selfish,
like we won't share our toys.
Take them,
save them,
but don't berate them--
when it's already hard, all the time.
Just all the time.
Only every minute,
to feel so wrong.
Wanting desperately to feel right,
but to feel right, we do wrong.
Never winning any argument,
cycling through the same moments.
I know what you mean now,
it's the hours.
They press tenuously upon us,
waiting for that moment,
when we find ourselves groping in the darkness
for that familiar comfort--
prickly as ever.
Waiting for someone to slap our hands,
with their supermarket checkout solutions.
All the time.
Hiding, isolated, afraid.
Ashamed.
And you think it's so selfish,
like we won't share our toys.
Take them,
save them,
but don't berate them--
when it's already hard, all the time.
Monday, February 3, 2014
i am feeling you in the notes of a song
like you wrote it long ago and gave it to a friend
the words are all wrong but with the melody, i understand
your fingers are tiptoeing over the keys
sighing each soft note
i could listen a thousand times and find something new to discern
crying a thousand tears and no smarter for it.
like you wrote it long ago and gave it to a friend
the words are all wrong but with the melody, i understand
your fingers are tiptoeing over the keys
sighing each soft note
i could listen a thousand times and find something new to discern
crying a thousand tears and no smarter for it.
what if i don't want to get better
spend my day in solemn splendor
the kind of joy that makes you want to die all the time
its not depression, dont give it a word
they can be misused for personal gain
or convenient excuses
i used to chain it up in the backyard
and beat it when i felt weak
i thought we deserved the confusion, the pain
and now you want me to get help
like thats even what i'm after
the kind of joy that makes me want to die all the time
what if i still can't think about the present,
always occupied with how terrible it is to be ninety-nine
or what more i'll suffer before i do
spend my day in solemn splendor
the kind of joy that makes you want to die all the time
its not depression, dont give it a word
they can be misused for personal gain
or convenient excuses
i used to chain it up in the backyard
and beat it when i felt weak
i thought we deserved the confusion, the pain
and now you want me to get help
like thats even what i'm after
the kind of joy that makes me want to die all the time
what if i still can't think about the present,
always occupied with how terrible it is to be ninety-nine
or what more i'll suffer before i do
Monday, August 22, 2011
My mind is on fire
Skinny Love- Bon Iver
ive just been feeling so inept. like i bring nothing to the table. i dont have anythign to bring. i quit my job (not that i regret that even for a milisecond). i dont even think i want to do that at all ever again. i want everyone to think i still do because i think if i dont it will mean i was wrong about something and i hate being wrong. but now i just feel like a big fat blah. the thing is though, i shouldnt. i just started this website for my comics, and while i wish i had more exposure and traffic, for something that i just started i get about 100 veiws a day and that really makes me happy. also i have and amazing boyfriend. soon i'll be moving in with my aunt, going to a city i love to be closer to people who matter to me. i just dont want to disappoint my dad. everyday its like i'm just waiting for that same pat on the head i quested for when i was younger. parents have no idea how badly their children want to make them happy. i want to make him happy more than i want me to be happy. but i mean i feel the same way about my boyfriend, which is a good thing or i would have done a lot of hurtful selfish things to myself if i didnt always keep his feelings in mind. he has saved me in so many ways that i cant begin to define or express them. part of me doesnt want to because i dont want anyone to ever have that kind of power over me that i would do anything for them, but he does and i would, just like i would for my father. and so many changes are happening right now for me and i dont know how to deal with them. i'm writing this short thing about me chopping down sams tree its a little intense but at the same time not intense enough. no one knows how much she still haunts me. i dont tell anyone so they dont know but sometimes i just want to erase her, its terrible, i know, but if you knew how this felt you would understand. with mom its different it hurts in a way that is sad and sweet and starts like hello and ends like goodbye like and old song you knew when you were young that makes you sigh in a dreamy but reverent way. with sam its all still fire and ice and explosions and darkness, scratching, biting, and so much blood, its all nightmares, all just a nightmare. i dont like talking to people about it. i'll probably delete this if i dont forget about it first.
ive just been feeling so inept. like i bring nothing to the table. i dont have anythign to bring. i quit my job (not that i regret that even for a milisecond). i dont even think i want to do that at all ever again. i want everyone to think i still do because i think if i dont it will mean i was wrong about something and i hate being wrong. but now i just feel like a big fat blah. the thing is though, i shouldnt. i just started this website for my comics, and while i wish i had more exposure and traffic, for something that i just started i get about 100 veiws a day and that really makes me happy. also i have and amazing boyfriend. soon i'll be moving in with my aunt, going to a city i love to be closer to people who matter to me. i just dont want to disappoint my dad. everyday its like i'm just waiting for that same pat on the head i quested for when i was younger. parents have no idea how badly their children want to make them happy. i want to make him happy more than i want me to be happy. but i mean i feel the same way about my boyfriend, which is a good thing or i would have done a lot of hurtful selfish things to myself if i didnt always keep his feelings in mind. he has saved me in so many ways that i cant begin to define or express them. part of me doesnt want to because i dont want anyone to ever have that kind of power over me that i would do anything for them, but he does and i would, just like i would for my father. and so many changes are happening right now for me and i dont know how to deal with them. i'm writing this short thing about me chopping down sams tree its a little intense but at the same time not intense enough. no one knows how much she still haunts me. i dont tell anyone so they dont know but sometimes i just want to erase her, its terrible, i know, but if you knew how this felt you would understand. with mom its different it hurts in a way that is sad and sweet and starts like hello and ends like goodbye like and old song you knew when you were young that makes you sigh in a dreamy but reverent way. with sam its all still fire and ice and explosions and darkness, scratching, biting, and so much blood, its all nightmares, all just a nightmare. i dont like talking to people about it. i'll probably delete this if i dont forget about it first.
Monday, October 25, 2010
You Make Me Feel Like I Am The Girl I Wished I Could Be
Alive with the Glory of Love- Say Anything
Annie's Song (cover)- Me First and The Gimmie Gimmies
Dance Anthems of the 80's- Regina Spektor
She is Beautiful- Andrew WK
No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I always looked in magazines and observed people through my lenses and trapped their lives in my mind so I could pretend they were mine, but now they are. Now I am living. Over the summer I had this plan to go to India to find my place in the world, to help me find a way to be in and of the world; then I found you. My dad always said that people who are good for us are the people who bring out the good in us and the best people for us are who bring out the things we did not know we even had within ourselves. I could never have imagined I could be the person I am when I am with you. You make me brave in the strangest ways. I adore you, je t'aime.
Annie's Song (cover)- Me First and The Gimmie Gimmies
Dance Anthems of the 80's- Regina Spektor
She is Beautiful- Andrew WK
No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I always looked in magazines and observed people through my lenses and trapped their lives in my mind so I could pretend they were mine, but now they are. Now I am living. Over the summer I had this plan to go to India to find my place in the world, to help me find a way to be in and of the world; then I found you. My dad always said that people who are good for us are the people who bring out the good in us and the best people for us are who bring out the things we did not know we even had within ourselves. I could never have imagined I could be the person I am when I am with you. You make me brave in the strangest ways. I adore you, je t'aime.
Monday, October 11, 2010
The Moment You Look and Know, Baby, You Are In So Much Trouble
Man- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Infinity Guitars- Sleigh Bells
Put Your Hand In My Hand- Lungfish
Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge
I like you too much for me to be in anything but trouble. I'm too honest with you to be in anything but trouble. You're too perfect for me to be anything but trouble. This is all too good to be anything but trouble, but after all, my name is Trouble.
Infinity Guitars- Sleigh Bells
Put Your Hand In My Hand- Lungfish
Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge
I like you too much for me to be in anything but trouble. I'm too honest with you to be in anything but trouble. You're too perfect for me to be anything but trouble. This is all too good to be anything but trouble, but after all, my name is Trouble.
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